Anaphora Paragraphing?

 

A dictionary definition of “Anaphora” would state, the repetition of a word or phrase at the beginning of successive verses, clauses, or paragraphs.

“We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and on the streets, we shall fight in the hills.” – Winston Churchill

“This blessed plot, this Earth, this realm, this England.” – William Shakespeare

From the above examples, you can see how this technique is used for a heightened dramatic effect.

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Try to refrain from over using anaphora as well. In “Storm of Divine Light,” I properly used the technique twice in 376 pages.

Excerpt: Patrons never suspected the humble servant Dagorat once had another name. A name he had tried to bury; an infamous name which struck terror into the hearts of travelers and merchants alike. Blackmond Moonshadow, the most notorious rogue who ever wreaked havoc upon the distant Kingdom of Easterly.

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The word “paragraph” in the definition poses a bit of a problem. Other language / writing guru’s like Hofmann referred to the paragraph as a natural barrier to anaphora. Creativity Hacker refers to starting paragraphs with the same word whether consecutively or just too often as “Echoing Headwords.” This concept seems to apply to both paragraphs and consecutive sentences.

Let’s say that your MC is named Lisa. Imagine the paragraphs on one page starting as follows.

Lisa grabbed…

Lisa looked…

She stepped on…

The dog barked…

Lisa hurried….

She opened…

Lisa went…

*Psst…I know that most of the sentence starters above seem like an assault of declarative sentences, but that is the subject for another blog post.

As you can see, beginning paragraphs with repeated words just doesn’t work very well. Unlike adverbs, where the usage rate is one for every five to seven pages, I couldn’t find the acceptable rate of repetition concerning echoing headwords.

It would be quite a daunting task to complete a novel with every paragraph starting with a different word. I went back into some drafts to find a rate of repetition in my own #writing. I found that you can repeat the start of a paragraph every other page, or at least eight to ten paragraphs apart, as long as they are not on the same page.

As for sentences, try not to use the same “headword” consecutively or bunched too close together.

Have you found evidence of this faux pas in some of your drafts?

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Thoughts on Chapter Titles

Is it better to title a chapter or just number it?

The gurus, sages and soothsayers of the publishing industry really don’t seem to have a clear answer on this subject. I’ve done some searching and still haven’t found a definitive answer. It all boils down to taste.

Even among readers this question can’t be answered. Some readers get enticed by the titles; it may prompt them to purchase the book, or to press on into the night way past bedtime. Other readers prefer numbers and imagine their own title.

Open Book by Dave Dugdale used under CC License

It would seem like this is a parallel phenomenon to the character description conundrum. Some want a total description, while others want to create their own mental picture.

I truly believe this lack of concrete answers permits me to simply apply my own taste and work from there. Chefs do that all the time. They might add, substitute, or remove an ingredient based upon their own taste. I’ve admitted to doing that for some of the lovely meals from my Best Recipes Ever section on this blog.

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Personal taste time

I always skim through the table of contents when I’m browsing in a bookstore. Yes, I find the chapter titles to be a curious enhancement and enticement. They act as a builder of anticipation and help to give a coherent organization to the story. Each chapter becomes a mini-story in itself yet contributes to the whole. I think they are more telling than a blurb. Also, I have to admit that there is a unique charm that stems from chapter titles. After all, Tolkien did it, and it was his works that put me on the path of the fantasy genre.

Some naming conventions

A Place Name

Name a place where something important to your plot or main character is going to take place, like a clandestine meeting or a battle. This is great for fantasy authors, because you get the hidden benefit prompting readers to study the map of your world. Tolkien used this technique in The Fellowship of the Ring: Book Two Chapter V: The Bridge of Khazad-dûm.

A Character Name

This is a good way to introduce a new character or to shift the point of view. I’ve seen a few novels where different characters experience the same event and each chapter is dedicated to how each of those characters perceives or is affected by the event. Tolkien did this to introduce Aragorn under his alias in The Fellowship of the Ring: Book One Chapter X: Strider. George R.R. Martin does this all the time in the Game of Thrones series for different P.O.V.’s

Your Main Character’s Thoughts or Quotes

This could be a great retort, a simple quote, inner thought, or a surprise for your main character. From Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged comes Part III Chapter 7 “This is John Galt speaking.”

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In the end

I believe the bottom line should go something like this. Chapter titles are not going to transform a ho-hum novel into a page turner, nor will it turn a great novel into unpublishable trash. Just do what your artistic instincts lead you to do.

Do other authors prefer to create titles? As a reader, do you prefer them?

Physical Descriptions of Characters

Feedback from a reader/ critique can range from dispute over a plot point to nitpicking over a single word. One that I usually receive has to do with physical descriptions of characters, or at least in my case, the lack thereof.

Isn’t it called a short story for a reason?

When it comes to short stories, I know that I am going to be on a strict “word-diet” before I type the first word. Every keystroke carries a greater weight than in a novel. Therefore, if a character’s physical appearance has absolutely no bearing on the story or the theme, should I bother with it?

From another point of view, I’ve only mentioned a gun in one story, because it is the only story that has a shooting scene. Wouldn’t it have been ridiculous to put guns in the hands of every character in every scene in every short story when it will never be used?

Literally speaking, short stories should be tight, compact, and economical.

Are physical descriptions too formulaic?

Physical descriptions seem that way to me. At times, they are an almost obligatory boring formula. However, that doesn’t mean that I avoid them completely. After pondering this question and taking a very critical eye to my past and current writing projects, I stumbled onto an article in Writer’s Digest.

Within the article, one point brought out was an example of how not to describe a character, called an “All Points Bulletin.” Well, it would seem like my gut feelings were right about shunning the dreaded APB style of description. I don’t pretend to be an expert or writing guru. I merely document what I’m learning. However, I get especially excited when I read something by an expert and discover that my artistic instincts led me to do things correctly.

What about minor descriptions?

Now I am guilty as charged. Sometimes I do offer drips and drabs concerning description. But only just enough to let the reader fill in the rest or to make a character or story aspect stand out without drawing heavy attention to it. In this manner, a reader can take a few hints and finish off the character’s description.

For example, in the short A Purveyor of Odd Things, Detective Renner Branson’s complexion is described as ruddy. That minor piece of description signifies that his budding relationship with Hannah Dixon is inter-racial.

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In Martha’s Kitchen, I made a significant description of the diner, the clothing, and the hair styles of Martha and Jillian. Everything was 1960’s “retro” to demonstrate their desire to cling to the past. Here’s the fun part, I’d say about fifty percent of the readers have asked me why I portrayed them as African-American. To which my answer is “I didn’t…you did that.” My only goal was to firmly establish them as southerners through dialog.

In the latest release Night Flights, I shied away from description and naturally got chided about it by a two beta readers. However, instead of adding a physical description of Jane, I decided to describe the quality of her appearance.

From “Night Flights”: An older series of nude studies completed last spring filled the left side of the studio, depicting Jane as an alluring but gentle nymph, charged with high-powered sexual energy, her face radiating a unique virginal innocence.

I also gave a small tidbit about Peter having very long hair. Perhaps a reader will create a bohemian artistic lifestyle and looks.

From “Night Flights”: Peter rubbed his forehead, untied his pony tail, and ran his fingers through his hair before releasing an exasperated breath.

In a forthcoming collection of six shorts called “Pressure Points,” I included a very detailed description of the main character in the story “An Internet Troll.” I’m still editing, therefore the following excerpt may change a bit before the release.

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From “An Internet Troll”: Her rotund body waddled as she walked. A round face and upturned nose tip gave her face a porcine quality. Thin legs projected a body image like two toothpicks supporting a misshapen meatball. Dirty clothes and greasy matted hair completed a distasteful compilation of unattractiveness coupled with unkempt hygiene.

In Conclusion

For me, character descriptions have always been something of a sticky point in my short stories. In my novel I do go through a battery of descriptions, both physical and mental. Although they are presented here and there to slowly build characters up.

How deep do your descriptions go? Are you going back to look over a few things now? Was this somewhat helpful?

To be or not to be: Avoid overusing this verb

Many blog posts implore authors to avoid using the most common verb in any language, ‘to be.’ In any of its conjugated forms, it slows your writing down to a crawl and readers find it boring to say the least.

Lego Shakespeare by Ryan Ruppe. Used under CC License

 

1. Using ‘to be’ in an initial draft is not the end of the world. I use it too. After all, you shouldn’t sit at your desk with your arms folded trying to rephrase a sentence when you’re hammering out a first draft. It’s better to get your ideas down on paper and revise them later.

2. ‘Was’ can push your #writing into a passive voice. I consciously avoid the passive voice, even in a first draft. However, you’ll see in the sample paragraph below, I used it without realizing.

3. Of course this “rule” does not apply to dialog. Remember, dialog should never appear as grammatically perfect and edited sentences. That will make your characters seem wooden and artificial. For more on dialog, follow the link to an older blog post. Writing Better Dialog

Here’s a sample from a short story called “Hope and Prey,” which will appear in my next collection, “Stasis & Other Dystopian Tales.” You will notice other revisions besides different forms of the verb in question. The ‘find’ function in Microsoft Word can help you to isolate the words you’re trying to avoid. Then as you edit, you’ll notice many other places where revision is needed.

There’s no context concerning the following paragraphs (we’re jumping in on page 3), but I think you’ll understand.

A First Draft…

From this point on, any exposure can be deadly. Crossing an open field means leaving the cover of trees, shrubs, and shadows behind. Jennifer cupped her daughter’s chin and nudged it to get the child’s undivided attention. She held up her index finger and placed it on her lips.

Baby Sarah nodded that the message was received. Remain quiet, remain still.

There were many stories of this area. But the lack of people made her wonder if any of the stories were true. Then she wondered if their numbers were down from eating each other. It seemed plausible to her, but it wasn’t enough to take any unnecessary risks.

“Why don’t we walk around the edge?” Baby Sarah whispered.

Jennifer nodded. Out of the mouths of babes, she thought. It would take a lot longer, but the safety of cover was too important. After all, they were about to enter cannibal country.

And a revision…

From this point on, any exposure could be deadly. Crossing this open field meant leaving the cover of trees, shrubs, and shadows behind. Jennifer cupped her daughter’s chin, gained the child’s undivided attention, and held an index finger against her lips.

Baby Sarah nodded. She understood the message. Remain quiet, remain still.

Many stories about this area circulated around the trading camps. But the lack of people and activity in these woods made Jennifer wonder if those tales possessed any truth. Perhaps their population decreased from eating each other? That idea seemed plausible, but not definite enough for her to take an unnecessary risk.

“Why don’t we go around the edge?” Baby Sarah whispered.

Jennifer agreed. Out of the mouths of babes, she thought. Crawling around the perimeter would take a lot more time, but the importance of cover forced her decision. After all, they stood on the border leading into cannibal country.

 

Was this helpful to you? Now go edit that stack of paper from NaNoWriMo 2015 🙂

The Queen and I: Working with your Editor

According to Stephen King’s On Writing, “The editor is always right.” My editor never misses an opportunity to remind me about that quote. Therefore I’ve created a system for editing, revisions, et al that prevents arguments about the placement of a comma or about the start of a new paragraph.

Editing a Paper by Nic McPhee used under CC License

I #write out my first draft and look it over for something glaring like misspelled words. Then I save the document to a memory stick and pass it off to my wife, a.k.a the Editor and Queen (Grammar Nazi is too over-used).

She will read it over and type in notes and comments with Word’s highlight tool. For suggested omissions, she’ll change the text to blue and will use red when she wants a stronger verb. I think you’re getting the idea.

The memory stick comes back to me and I’ll make the revisions, and pass the opus back to her. The process will repeat a few times before we present it to a critique group. Of course, when she says “get over here and give me that stick,” it has caused some confusion and has ignited spontaneous romantic sessions.

After the critique, she’ll compile all of the notes and then I’ll revise again. Then the piece is sent off for beta reading and the story will take its final form. See how sa3gk459Sj03*49jkwregpioj (sorry, the cat walked across my keyboard) easy it is?

What’s interesting is that throughout the process, my wife and I don’t usually discuss the revisions face to face. It prevents the fur from flying and maintains shalom (peace) in my home. Now I just need a way to keep the cat away from my desk.

Tell me about your #writing / working environment.  Anyone else have a live-in editor?

#Writing Motivation: Don’t Write!

Earlier today, an idea for a #shortstory came to me in a flash. Immediately I started making notes – even about foreshadowing and small details, which is not something I usually do. I’m dying to start slamming the keys, but I have to face the reality that I have too many stories in various stages of editing.

Carrot on a Stick by Ben Sutherland used under CC License

Some are completed first drafts and others are partially-written first drafts. Still more have had a few editing passes and have been presented to critique groups. But those critique notes still need to be compiled and addressed.

Therefore, although I’m itching to get started on Night Flights (a working title) I’m going to use it as the proverbial carrot on my writing stick. Better yet, it could be seen as a rap on the knuckles by Sister Atilla the Nun – “No dessert until you finish your carrots.” I need to finish all the stories I’ve started before I allow myself work on this one.

Besides which, Night Flights wouldn’t fit in thematically with any of my planned short story collections, or even my current release Ragged Souls . You can check out my recent Progress Report for details on those.

So in the end, I’ll continue to make notes as inspiration strikes, but this story will just have to wait.

How do you motivate yourself to write each day?

7 Tips: How To Write Better Dialog

So why am I writing a piece about dialog? There are two main reasons. First, I’ve noticed that even some of the best writers, i.e, those who can craft a great plot, create great characters, and write beautiful exposition, can write wooden dialog.  Sometimes the dialog doesn’t sound like the character, but rather like the author holding up cue cards.

Second, I’m a far cry from Shakespeare, but I almost always receive compliments on my #dialog from critique groups and beta readers. In college, my creative writing credits were in screenplay #writing, and I think that’s where I developed good dialog skills.

So here are #writingtips to help you out, if you find yourself struggling. Please pardon my occasional extreme examples, I just can’t help it.

Original Photo – Statues by Tim Evanson used under CC License – Chat Bubble Modifications by E. San Giacomo

1. Forget yourself and let the character do the talking

Remember, the reader will continue to read because the character is interesting. Therefore, bury your own ego and let the character say the things they would say under the circumstances. Of course you have to factor in the aspects of the character, like their age, gender, and education.

And the Lord ascended the mount, and upon seeing the gathering crowd, he turned to his disciples and said,”Yo Pete, got enough grub for all these folks to chow down?”

2. Forget the long speeches

Even if your character is giving a speech, remember to break it up with beats, like adjusting their posture, dramatically pausing, or taking notice of the crowd’s reaction. Dialog really needs to be short and snappy and complemented with actions.

Here’s a sample of a character giving a speech from my yet unpublished #ShortStory Little Red Revolution. Notice how I break up the speech.

John stood tall at the podium. “So the company has the nerve to call the latest contract an offer.” He shook his head. “Well, where I come from it’s called an insult!”

The crowd applauded and cheered.

“No more zeroes for our mining heroes!”

While John stirred hearts and minds, he saw a pasty-gray looking man skulk over to a dark shadow cast by a staircase along the back wall. With everyone’s attention fixed on the podium, John knew that he was the only one who took notice of the strange man.

This is quite different from the John Galt speech in Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. It’s about 80 pages without a break.

3. Forget about grammar

Notice that I said grammar and not punctuation. Dialog has to be properly punctuated in order to be understandable. However, people do not speak in grammatically perfect sentences. Learn to ignore your word processor when it’s warning you about sentence fragments and other errors. “Okay?” See, that’s not technically a complete sentence, but it will work as dialog.

4. Don’t forget that you’re writing literature

When one character says something that makes the other character surprised, taken aback, or fumble for a quick response, show some sort of reaction other than another line of dialog.

“I‘m your father.”

“Really? I never would’ve guessed.”

“And I murdered your mother.”

“Let’s go get a burger and talk about the good old days.”

5. Don’t use forms of address

People just don’t talk like that, especially family members. I’ve seen it way too often where each character starts or ends their dialog by addressing the other character by name.

“Bill, I’ve got something to tell you.”

“I’m all ears, Bob.”

“Bill, promise you won’t get angry.”

“Only if you keep repeating my name, Bob.”

“I don’t do it all that much. Do I, Bill?”

“You certainly do, Bob.”

“Well Bill, I learned it from you.”

Of course there are times to use it, like a commander spouting orders, or a formal setting, or anger and frustration.

“Dammit, John,” Phil said as he threw the folder on the desk. “How many times do I have to explain this to you?”

6. Don’t forget to read and watch

Many self-help authors always remind us that a good writer does a lot of reading. True enough, but you can also learn something by actively watching a movie. Don’t underestimate the abilities of quality screen-writers when it comes to dialog. I can’t list all of them, but consider the following…

“The Thing” The original from 1951 by Howard Hawks and Christian Nyby.

“My Favorite Wife” (1940) starring Cary Grant and Irene Dunne

“Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid” (1969) d. George Roy Hill, starring Paul Newman and Robert Redford

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7. The dreaded info-dump dialog

This happens when a writer tries to create too much back story and character description through dialog.

Brandon held out his hand and showed the little box to Susan. Her eyes brightened at the sight of the gold foil wrapping and the intricate red ribbon adorning the gift.

“On this day, July 15^th, 2014, I’d like to present this gift to you on our thirtieth wedding anniversary,” Brandon said.

“As a retired English teacher, I appreciate your proper use of an indirect object pronoun after a preposition,” Susan said.

“Perhaps you should sit on the green chaise lounge and open your gift. It matches your eyes and accents your red hair.”

“Oh yes, remember? It was the robbery at the furniture store where we bought this lounge that started your career as a private detective.”

Of course I’m sure there are many other examples that you can use to fine-tune you own dialog. If you can think of a few more, please share.

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#Writetip: An Author Needs Beta Reads

Face facts, without a group of beta readers, your editing is incomplete. You can only do a certain amount of self-editing, at least 2 or 3 passes over your writing before you need the aid of some fresh eyes.

Open Book by Honou used under CC License

The best would be fellow authors working as a small support group, or a local writer’s guild that has a critique group. You can even try to create an on-line network of fellow #indieauthors.

Here’s what I’ve discovered about beta readers. They can point out things that just passed over your head. Those types of errors are easy for a writer to make because everything is clear to the writer, and sometimes it’s hard to put yourself into the mind of a person who knows nothing about your plot and characters.

When I presented the #shortstory Little Red Revolution to my critique circle, I thought that my main character’s attitude was clear.  However, the readers understood and perceived his anger and displeasure, but then questioned why his attitude changed so rapidly. I never intended for anyone to see a change until the final paragraph of part I, but all of the readers thought that the change occurred four pages earlier. Why? Because I had failed to clearly explain that the character also expresses his anger through sarcasm.

The readers thought he had become comical too quickly, a change that I did not intend. I’ve altered it based on their feedback. A good beta read can give your work a final polish and quality that the general reading public expects from a traditional publishing house.

Have your beta readers given you some insightful commentary?

Rolling the Flash Fiction Dice

I’ve decided to be a bit more of a traditional author instead of an #indieauthor in the trenches. I’m not talking about changing the route in everything I do, but rather just one aspect, flash fiction.

Find Dice Collection for Assemblage by Costanza used under CC License

I was never a big fan of #FlashFiction until a member of my critique group introduced it (yes Stewart, I’m talking about you). He’s quite talented in the flash venue, and I admit to being somewhat intrigued with a new outlet for my musings.

So what’s a writer to do with a new format? The answer is obvious, start using it.

I’ve penned two flashes so far called “Everyone’s a Winner” and “A Generous Man”. I really do not wish to include either of them in a small collection because neither fits in with my planned releases. I also do not want to give them away because the indie market is overflowing and bloated with free give-a-ways (another subject best suited for a future blog rant).

Therefore, the logical conclusion is to read about query letters, submission guides, and get ready to play the waiting game.

Have you ever attempted a more traditional publishing route?

#Writetip: The Plausible Plot

Chapter 14 “Fork in the Road” of my upcoming #fantasy novel The First Light is now complete. However, after getting that first draft down on paper comes the point where I look it over for any glaring errors. Yep, I found one.

“Fork in the Road” by Jack. Used under Creative Commons License.

A minor nemesis skulks away from a caravan in the middle of the night, and the next day the heroes must decide where he went, and whether to follow. I can hear readers thinking, “Well why didn’t they (our heroes) follow his tracks?” or “If it was dark, why didn’t they go after him at dawn?” Also, there’s the condition of the road itself. “Is it muddy, paved, dry baked dirt, or loose powdery dirt?” And of course, “If he’s skulking away, why wouldn’t he go across country?”

The fact is I failed to address any of those issues. This wouldn’t be classified as a plot-hole, but might well leave a reader feeling that the story isn’t plausible.

Rest assured that these issues have been addressed and explained, without creating a bulk of exposition. It was interesting to work my way through them, to really think about the capabilities of horses and wagons, and the logistics of travelling alone on a dangerous road.

As for Chapter 14, there is no literal fork in the road; I used the term figuratively. The main character’s next course of action is a major decision, from which there is no going back. Another fork is the relationship between my MC and a minor character. Will their romance survive their first lovers’ quarrel? I haven’t decided yet.

So it seems like I’ve come to a fork in the road as well. Isn’t it interesting when author and character are experiencing the same things?

What kinds of issues have you faced in making your novel completely plausible and hole-free?