Pope Francis vs. Donald Trump

I have been reading some incredibly misleading commentary everywhere from Twitter, Facebook, Television and Newspapers. I have always said that “America’s favorite sport is Big Lie Anti-Catholicism.”

Canonization-2014 by Jeffrey Bruno / Aleteia Image Dept. used under CC License

Also, as I have said to critics of the Catholic Church, “If you’re not Catholic, then all of your information comes from media, and therefore, you only know three things. There’s an organization called The Catholic Church, there’s a place called the Vatican, and there’s a guy called the Pope. Other than those three things, you’ve only heard half-truths and lies.”

Here’s what Pope Francis actually said.

“…a person who thinks only about building walls, wherever they may be, and not building bridges, is not Christian. This is not in the Gospel. As far as what you said about whether I would advise to vote or not to vote, I am not going to get involved in that. I say only that this man is not Christian if he has said things like that. We must see if he said things in that way and in this I give the benefit of the doubt.”

Here’s some of the misleading media reports.

Donald Trump by Gage Skidmore used under CC License

The Huffington Post…Pope: Trump ‘Not Christian’

The New York Times… Pope Francis suggests Donald Trump Is ‘Not Christian’

CNN…Pope Francis: Building A Wall Is ‘Not Christian’

Naturally the Tweets and FB posts completely prove that Americans are low-information ‘media morons.’

Let’s take one more look at what Pope Francis said. This time I’ll add my commentary in Italics.

“…a person who thinks only about building walls,…”

“Only” is a small word with a huge meaning. Pope Francis is discussing a person with an isolationist mindset. One of The Pope’s first and foremost functions is to be a teacher. He takes this opportunity to teach everyone to care for each other and not lock themselves within a self-absorbing cocoon.

“…wherever they may be, and not building bridges, is not Christian.” Mr. Trump has bragged about his negotiating skills whenever given the chance. That means he’s describing himself as a bridge builder, which also means that the Pope’s commentary cannot be applied to Donald.

“This is not in the Gospel. As far as what you said about whether I would advise to vote or not to vote, I am not going to get involved in that.” Wait a minute! Did the Pope just say that he is NOT injecting himself into American Politics? Could it be that he knew that the reporter was trying to goad him into commenting directly on a candidate?

“I say only that this man is not Christian if he has said things like that. We must see if he said things in that way and in this I give the benefit of the doubt.” Notice that the Pope said “if he said things in that way…” Therefore, saying that you’re going to “build a wall” does not meet with the Pope’s criteria. One would have to say “building a wall” within the context of complete isolationism in order to garner the moniker of ‘non-Christian.’ The Pope denies applying it to Donald Trump with the words ‘benefit of the doubt.’

Take another look at those headlines. Are they not completely misleading?

For those who feel I’m nit-picking…don’t! Pope Francis like all others before him are very guarded concerning their off the cuff commentary. If anyone were to look at quick statements made to reporters by Popes and actually examine them as compared to what gets broadcasted, you’ll find the same misleading pattern over and over again.

Have you changed your mind about this nonsensical media-hype B.S?

My Favorite Films of the 90’s

You may not agree with every film on my list, but that’s o.k. These are my favs from the era. They may not all be Academy Award winners, but who cares?

50.   Ace Ventura: Pet Detective………………..d. Tom Shadyac

49.   Star Wars: The Phantom Menace………..d. George Lucas

48.  The Matrix…………………………………….d. Andy Wachowski

47.   A Bronx Tale………………………………….d. Robert De Niro

46.   Saving Private Ryan…………………………d. Steven Spielberg

45.   Independence Day…………………………..d. Roland Emmerich

44.   The Usual Suspects………………………….d. Bryan Singer

43.   The Fifth Element……………………………d. Luc Besson

42.   Life is Beautiful………………………………d. Roberto Benigni (Italy)

41.   Interview With The Vampire………………d. Neil Jordan

40.   Starship Troopers…………………………..d. Paul Verhoeven

39.   The Coneheads………………………………d. Steve Barron

38.   Bram Stoker’s Dracula……………………..d. Francis Ford Coppola

37.   Unforgiven……………………………………d. Clint Eastwood

36.   Contact………………………………………..d. Robert Zemeckis

35.   My Girl…………………………………………d. Howard Zieff

34.   What About Bob?……………………………d. Frank Oz

33.   Twister………………………………………..d. Jan De Bont

32.   The English Patient………………………..d. Anthony Minghella (USA/UK)

31.   Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls………..d. Steve Oedekerk

30.   Liar Liar……………………………………..d. Tom Shadyac

29.   Bhaji On The Beach………………………..d. Gurinda Chadha (UK)

28.   Ed Wood……………………………………..d. Tim Burton

27.   The Remains of the Day…………………..d. James Ivory (UK)

26.   My Cousin Vinny………………………………..d. Jonathan Lynn

25.   Robin Hood: Men in Tights……………………d. Mel Brooks

24.   Pi…………………………………………………..d. Darren Aronofsky

23.   The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc…..d. Luc Besson (France)

22.   Much Ado About Nothing……………………..d. Kenneth Branagh (UK/USA)

21.   The Doors………………………………………….d. Oliver Stone

20.   Star Trek: First Contact………………………..d. Jonathan Frakes

19.   Reservoir Dogs…………………………………..d. Quentin Tarantino

18.   Stargate…………………………………………..d. Roland Emmerich

17.   Star Trek: Generations………………………..d. David Carson

16.   El Mariachi………………………………………d. Robert Rodriguez

15.   Nine Months…………………………………….d. Chris Columbus

14.   Casino…………………………………………….d. Martin Scorsese

13.   Secrets and Lies…………………………………d. Mike Leigh (UK)

12.   Rush………………………………………………d. Lili Fini Zanuck

11.   Indochine………………………………………..d. Régis Wargnier (France)

10.   Land and Freedom…………………………….d. Ken Loach (UK/Spain/Ger/ Italy/ Fr)

09.   Cyrano De Bergerac…………………………..d. Jean-Paul Rappaneau (France)

08.   Eat Drink Man Woman………………………d. Ang Lee (Taiwan/USA)

07.   Different for Girls…………………………….d. Richard Spence (UK)

06.   Tank Girl……………………………………….d. Rachel Talalay

05.   Johnny Stecchino…………………………….d. Roberto Benigni (Italy)

04.   Goodfellas……………………………………..d. Martin Scorsese

03.   Better Than Chocolate………………………d. Anne Wheeler (Canada)

02.   Kundun…………………………………………d. Martin Scorsese

01.   Mediterraneo………………………………….d. Gabriele Salvatores (Italy)

Yes, the small budget film Mediterraneo ranks as my number one. It just gets better and better every time I see it.

My Favorite Author Blogs

I do a lot of cruising around the Blogosphere, dropping “likes” and comments in many places. However, I find myself repeatedly returning to certain blogs over and over again.

Although they are all Independent author blogs, you’ll find distinct voices and points of view. Yes, occasionally they will blog about the same particular subject, just not at the same time. After all, they’re all authors and discuss the Indie-Author World. It’s a sure bet that when you dig through the archives you’ll find posts on editing, “pantsing” or planning, and others.

I Blog About These Subjects As Well

I have never referred to myself or have tried to portray myself as some type of self-publishing guru. I’m not one. Therefore, I don’t do it. I basically discuss my journey and blog about the things I’m discovering and learning along the way, as evidenced by such categories as Diary of a Fantasy Novel, Short Story Journal, and The Writing Journey. I also like to drift away from craft posts and write about an array of subjects in Idaho Scrawl, or simply present personal anecdotes and my favorite Recipes.

The folks listed below are not braggarts. However, they have achieved a particular level of notoriety for offering quality advice or “how to” procedures for authors. Most of them have a smooth and friendly style that makes one feel welcomed to read and comment.

Photo Credit and CC License

Here Are My Favorites

Kristen Lamb

If Independent authors have a Torch-Bearing –Warrior-Queen it would have to be Kristen Lamb. She writes passionately about the world according to the indie author. Granted, the posts are quite extensive, but they are well worth your attention. Kristen has a few self-help books out there for indie authors. Rise of the Machines is probably the most well-known and important book on the topic of indie-authoring.

K.M. Weiland

K.M. Weiland’s Blog is called “Helping Writers Become Authors.” That blog title is no lie; it is completely packed with quality information. I truly suggest opening the category button to discover the smorgasbord of pertinent subjects. The choice is yours. You can comb through this blog, or spend hundreds of dollars on craft books.

Bryn Donovan

Here’s another blog where the archives should be the first place to examine. Her “Blank Page to Final Draft” series of posts are worth reading. Also, there are lists for plots, facial and physical descriptions. She has written a craft book as well called “Master Lists for Writers,” you can find links to Amazon on her blog. I have only recently discovered this blog. However, it pulled me right in.

Nick Rossis

Nick writes about a variety of subjects, including some personal anecdotes. His blog category on marketing is a must read for any would be indie. Look no further than the list of awards for his fantasy novels to understand that this guy knows what he’s talking about.

Diane Tibert

First, in order to appreciate her blog, you’ll have to get past the colour and flavour of her exotic Canadian English :-). Diane’s “Publishing 101” series takes you from editing to cover design. I would say that it’s a good first place to start your research. Yes, she has many other tips for authors.

Honorable Mentions

Chris: The Story Reading Ape

Chris has turned re-blogging into an art form. He’ll save you tons of search and reading time by finding quality posts from authors around the world. I found Bryn Donovan only about a week and a half ago. How? Because Chris re-blogged and highlighted one of her posts. Do yourself a big favor and “Follow” this one.

Ben Garrido

Ben is an indie author, but his posts mostly offer questions and examinations of nationalism, culture, government, and religion. Perhaps I’m drawn to his postings on account of my degree in History and my Catholic faith. Many of the stories in my forthcoming collection have themes of conflicting beliefs, or what happens when the relationship between government and the individual goes awry. Ben’s scholarly posts are thought provoking and very well written.

What About You?

Do you already follow some or all of these blogs? Did I miss a great blog somewhere? Tell me about it.

***Ernesto San Giacomo is the author of Ragged Souls***

R.I.P. David Bowie

There have been many shades of Bowie in the past 40 years. From the pale androgynous alien to the Goblin King, Bowie has been a chameleon of sorts. However, I’m going to put images aside and talk about the ever changing face of his music before discussing his films.

Bowie was always a musical ground breaker. I remember how everyone was once talking about a new strange song with a sound so different that it had to be heard. The song was “Fame,” and most youth today would hear it and sarcastically say “big deal.” It was no surprise to me when I later learned that John Lennon was part of the song-writing and recording team for that track.

“Fame” was completely different from his earlier works, and so was the entire album Young Americans. It had some heavy American funk/jazz influence as evidenced by the presence of Luther Vandross.

Young Americans was a giant leap away from Hunky Dory, The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust, and Station to Station (I’ve provided You Tube links to these albums).

In the late ’70s and early ’80s Heroes, Scary Monsters, and Let’s Dance firmly established the fact hat Bowie could not only keep up with the times, but also direct them.. His brand of theater rock was always evolving.

His films were iconic as well. My wife’s generation remembers him as the Goblin King from Labyrinth, but for my generation he will always be The Man Who Fell to Earth. Both films were on my lists of favorite films of the ‘70s and favorite films of the ‘80s.

His role of Major Jack Celliers in Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence won him more acclaim. Also, I really liked him as Tesla in The Prestige. Five Years is a documentary about David Bowie’s early years that established him as musical tour-de-force. I caught it on cable a few months ago and I highly recommend it.

David Bowie’s music, film appearances, and changing image transcended generations. Different age groups possess a different iconic image of him. His creative force will be missed.

What type of icon was David Bowie for you?

What’s your favorite Bowie song, album, or movie?

***Put Ragged Souls on your kindle***

***Tell me when the new short story Night Flights is available***

My personal favorite song is Station to Station, my favorite album is Ziggy Stardust, and The Man Who Fell to Earth would be my fav Bowie film.

The Dark Side of The Big Bang Theory

My wife has become a #BigBangTheory addict. Therefore, I’ve been forced to suffer alongside for the sake of some couch cuddle time.

While I must admit the show has its humorous moments, I’ve also noticed a somewhat dark side to things. Some of the humor involves one or more members of the group getting a type of sick enjoyment from the suffering of another. For example, when Howard made Sheldon performs all sorts of meaningless and embarrassing tasks in order to meet Dr. Hawking. Of course we share along in enjoyment at that suffering. We laugh at their backstories about bullying and wedgies.

Photo by Melody Sandoval and used under CC License

To counteract this love of suffering, there is also a genuine lack of joy for the happiness of others. Even during Howard and Bernadette’s wedding, Sheldon still uses Klingon. Amy tries to pull the group together and says that the day is for “Howard, Bernadette, and me,” because she desperately wants to wear a bridesmaid dress and a tiara.

Then there are the personalities. Is there anything more insufferable than Sheldon with his roommate and relationship agreements? After watching some episodes, I came to the conclusion that I didn’t like Sheldon at all. As if his put-downs and legal bullying weren’t enough. He feels that he is always right and bullies others into submission. I had this opinion of him, when at long last he actually said it in an episode. Even when his own legal agreement swims back to bite him, he gets his way.

Penny has slept around a lot, was a bully in high school, and to some extent uses four nerdy guys to get free food and wifi.

Rajesh is afraid to talk to women and the friends do nothing to help him get over it. We had to get weepy over his loneliness for seven seasons, before he gets a creepy girlfriend. His sexual orientation is also in question, due to his love of beauty products. He manipulates his parents for extra money.

***Contact me when the new short story NIGHT FLIGHTS is available***

Howard and Leonard seem normal, but Leonard and Howard are still complete sci-fi geek nerds. Oh, and let’s not forget that Howard is a momma’s boy, despite going to the International Space Station as a payload specialist. Leonard may seem normal as well. His reactions to the eccentricities of other characters give the impression of normalcy. But then he can ignore his girlfriend over a video game and go crazy over a vintage Star Trek toy or comic book.

And then there’s the fact that if you watch the Big Bang Theory, you may believe that there are no Chinese, Japanese, Korean, or African American scientists in the U.S. Also, Italians are only good for making pizza and cutting hair.

***Get Ragged Souls on your Kindle at Amazon!***

Have you noticed the dark nature of the humor in Big Bang? Or do you politely agree to disagree with me?

 

You Know You’re In a Small Town When…

you walk into a store and walk out without paying.

I’m not talking about shoplifting or any other criminal activity.

Here’s the story

My wife was working late and needed to pick up a plaque for a departing airman in her squadron. She didn’t think that she could get to the engraver’s shop before he closed, but she needed it for the next day. That’s when she called me and asked me to run over there and pick up the engraved wooden plaque.

Things like this go along with being married to the Air Force.

I had to go to the supermarket anyway, so I stopped into the shop to pick it up. When I took out my debit card, the owner said, “I don’t take cards, but I know she needs this for tomorrow. Just take it and come by with cash when you can.”

Color me dumbfounded. This man had never seen me before in my life, and yet he’s telling me to take the merchandise and pay him later.

I took the plaque, went to the supermarket and asked for cash back. I immediately returned to the store and paid the man. on Saturday, the plaque was presented to the departing sergeant on time.

I was born and raised in NYC. Things like this just don’t happen there.

Got any small town anecdotes that big city folk just wouldn’t understand?

***Buy Ragged Souls  for your Kindle on Amazon!***

***Notify me when the new short story Night Flights is available***

A New Kitten for a New Year

My wife took pity on this kitten she saw on our hometown’s Facebook page. For days she worked her way up to the big moment of acceptance with statements like, “I checked the page and nobody responded. We can’t allow that kitten to go to a shelter.”

This pattern repeated several times per day over the weekend. Then the moment of truth arrived, a supreme display of the dynamics of the female synapses. She said, “What do you think, honey? Should we take her?”

As if I had any say in the matter, but her premade decision was now justified because she had deigned to ask me, the Lord of the Manor (all right, stop laughing at me). Of course she asked after days of doom and gloom comments, knowing that I would never offer any opinion to the contrary in order to keep my genitals in full working order. Yes ladies, a man will say and do anything to keep his “package” intact and free from sudden attacks from his enraged femalien-geneto-mate.

The new kitten is snug as a bug in a proverbial rug. Now the problem is to get our other two cats to accept her. We’ve been advised by the vet to keep the new kitty in a separate room for a few days until the others start to get accustomed to her scent and presence. Let’s keep our fingers crossed, because it hasn’t started out well.

There has been much activity by our two fuzzy daughters. They walk up to the door and stare at it for a while. If they see any sign of the new kitty, then they let out a hiss reminiscent of the hive queen from Aliens. I’m beginning to feel helpless. How can I explain to our cats that they have a new sister, when neither of them can speak or understand English? Hopefully someday, Minerva, Phoenix, and Luna will learn to get along (are you noticing the Harry Potter theme for feline names?).

Time for lots of pets, cuddles, and toys (Minnie loves the laser pointer) for emotional reassurance. Then the wife comes home and it’s time for lots of strokes, cuddles, and foot massages for emotional reassurance. Is there no escape?

Any tips on introducing a new cat into the household? O.k., then how about a few prayers? 🙂

***Buy Ragged Souls on Amazon ***

***Notify me when the new short story NIGHT FLIGHTS is available***

 

When Bright Lights Burn Out

In the past month, I have heard two disturbing pieces of news of a personal nature. However, I think most of us have experienced this type of news as well and can relate. Perhaps this is rather fitting, especially when one considers that 2015 is about to fade away and a New Year starts tomorrow.

Leaving the wilderness of New York City for San Antonio, and then later to Idaho, has separated me from many friends, family, and acquaintances. A recent tour of Facebook brought me the news concerning the deaths of two friends, Monsignor Joseph Ansaldi and Marilyn Hudson Tucker.

Monsignor Ansaldi was the principal of St. Joseph H.S. where I taught for a few years. He was more of a guiding light than a boss, and therefore, always considered him a friend. As a lifelong #Catholic, I must say that he was one of the greatest homilists I’ve ever heard. It has been over six years since I’ve heard him speak, yet I can still recall some of his homilies and retell them completely.

Marilyn Hudson Tucker was a tireless contributor to the San Antonio Writer’s Guild. She took me under her wing and instructed me to start a #blog. She was my first “like” on #Wordpress, and I was her one-thousandth. She was always ready and available for a beta read, and ran the Ask a Grammar Guru page on Facebook. Moving has caused me to miss Sunday evening critiques at her home, but now I miss the writing scene in San Antonio more than ever.

I’ve never seen her upset, annoyed, angry, or anything like that. There was always a welcoming smile, and a calm demeanor that the rest of us can hopefully learn to imitate.

For Monsignor Ansaldi, the best way to honor him would be to live a better spiritual life.

For Marilyn Tucker, the best way for me to honor her memory would be to write more and make those writings great.

Click the Pic and go straight to AMAZON!

 

New Star Wars Content: Ho Hum

In the past few months many things have happened within the Star Wars entertainment universe. We’ve had a media campaign blasting the public with promos, teasers, and intermixing promotions for Star Wars: The Force Awakens from new labels on coffee creamer to soundtrack music in car commercials.

However, there were other things for fans. The MMORG Star Wars: The Old Republic went through a complete facelift and redirection of its gaming content. Billed as a great revamping and improvement, this subscriber will soon be a former subscriber.

Star Wars: The Force Awakens (Spoilers abound)

So it all starts on a desert planet with Storm Troopers looking for information stored within a droid. Doesn’t this sound all too familiar? But wait, it’s not Tatooine, it just happens to look exactly like Tatooine, and has the same architecture, economy, moisture vaporators, and a hint of a Sarlac. But this planet is called Jakku, and therefore completely different. Yeah sure, what a stroke of genius!

Wait! The droid with the information isn’t R2D2, it’s has a different design and name, BB8, who (just like R2D2) serves as comic relief and makes cute noises. Another stroke of genius! It’s round features should give way to the lucrative Star Wars themed cat toy market.  Okay I’m lying. That’s not a prediction. I actually saw some Star Wars dog and cat toys yesterday in Petco.

Stroke of genious number three. The Storm Troopers may be wearing the same uniforms from the past six movies, obey every order no matter how brutal, but they’re no longer clones, and they’re working for someone else. A new evil has risen from the ashes of the Empire. It’s called The Order, and uses the same ships and uniforms as the Empire, but wait, we’re supposed to believe it’s different. Yawn!

After our heroes Rey (who is a junk scavenger just like Watto on Tattoine from Episode 1)and Fin get the droid, they board the Millenium Falcon, which just happens to be abandoned near them on Jakku. Deus Ex-Macchina (DEM) for everyone! (and more to come)

Right after they take off from Jakku, they discover hyperdrive problems (Ep. V) and Han Solo and Chewbacca just happen to be there waiting for them (DEM). Wow what a coincidence!

Sigh, our heroic foursome can’t even enjoy a cup of intergalactic tea. Pirates and smugglers have boarded Han Solo’s ship. Han owes them money (Eps. IV & V) and there’s no escape. As luck would have it, Han has some dangerous cargo, namely vicious creatures known as Rathtars. They’re let loose and devour the pirates for our heroes. What luck! Especially for Fin.

After an action sequence where the enemy pirates are eaten within seconds of being caught in a Rathtar’s tentacles, Fin gets caught by one, but this Rathtar holds him for at least a minute. That leaves more than enough time for him to be rescued by Rey.

On their way back to Rebellion territory they stop on a planet for repair parts, a perfect excuse to subject fans to another Cantina Sequence (Ep. IV). Oh boy what a coincidence! The tavern owner just happens to have Luke Skywalker’s light-sabre stored in a trunk in her basement. She gives the light-saber to Rey, who has recently discovered her force sensitivity (Ep. IV). Also, Rey will have a duel and defeat Kylo Ren, a master of the Dark Side. Huh? She’s only a raw novice at best with the force and has never held a light-saber before. But hey, if “girl-power” messages are appropriate for 21^st Century Western Civilization, then it’s also good enough in a galaxy far, far away. Really? Just what were they thinking?

They eventually deliver the droid to the Rebellion (Ep IV), and a plan is made to destroy The Order’s superweapon. It’s a Death Star on steroids, and it can destroy multiple planets in one shot. The Rebellion finds the weak spot (Ep. IV) and sends Han and the others to the planet to the disable Force Field that protects the target (Ep. VI).

I’ve merely scratched the surface and this blog post could go on forever, but I think you get the idea about how this latest installment of the Star Wars saga is a truly sub-standard movie experience.

The previews for World of Warcraft, and Independence Day 2 were the best and worthiest part of my ticket price. However, Star Wars: The Force Awakens nearly put me to sleep.

The Death Star Pillow- photo by Ernesto San Giacomo

Star Wars: The Old Republic (Knights of the Fallen Empire)

There were oodles of promises that the game would be an even better invention since the wheel or white bread. However, that is not the case.

The new game content is horrifically boring. Many have rightly complained that it is just too easy. Agreed! However, the game has also become boring for the style of play. You experience all nine chapters like an instance rather than game play. One feels like you’re on a track plodding along. There are no decisions to make. In other words, you’re not playing; you’re being lead along like a dog on a leash.

Part of the enjoyment of SWTOR was crafting the right armor and weapons for your character and companions. Each class had its own story line. Now you have to take every character and run them through the same boring nine chapters.

Before the revamp, if you couldn’t get through a tough fight, then you upgraded some equipment. If that didn’t work then you called upon a guild member for aid.

There’s no difference for light or dark side either. All of the game content has become a repetitive amorphous blob.

Conclusion

Some fans were very worried when the rights to Star Wars were sold. There was talk about the new business interest destroying the saga and reducing the content in favor of some quick marketing. Those voices of doom were correct.

Of course the new style will be defended by the amount of revenue generated. However, they should keep in mind that there were legions of fans world-wide excited at the prospect of new material. They flocked to the movies and the game without even attempting or wanting to see a review. Pssst, you won’t be so lucky next time.

So were you disappointed by the film too? And have you cancelled you’re subscription to SWTOR?

To be or not to be: Avoid overusing this verb

Many blog posts implore authors to avoid using the most common verb in any language, ‘to be.’ In any of its conjugated forms, it slows your writing down to a crawl and readers find it boring to say the least.

Lego Shakespeare by Ryan Ruppe. Used under CC License

 

1. Using ‘to be’ in an initial draft is not the end of the world. I use it too. After all, you shouldn’t sit at your desk with your arms folded trying to rephrase a sentence when you’re hammering out a first draft. It’s better to get your ideas down on paper and revise them later.

2. ‘Was’ can push your #writing into a passive voice. I consciously avoid the passive voice, even in a first draft. However, you’ll see in the sample paragraph below, I used it without realizing.

3. Of course this “rule” does not apply to dialog. Remember, dialog should never appear as grammatically perfect and edited sentences. That will make your characters seem wooden and artificial. For more on dialog, follow the link to an older blog post. Writing Better Dialog

Here’s a sample from a short story called “Hope and Prey,” which will appear in my next collection, “Stasis & Other Dystopian Tales.” You will notice other revisions besides different forms of the verb in question. The ‘find’ function in Microsoft Word can help you to isolate the words you’re trying to avoid. Then as you edit, you’ll notice many other places where revision is needed.

There’s no context concerning the following paragraphs (we’re jumping in on page 3), but I think you’ll understand.

A First Draft…

From this point on, any exposure can be deadly. Crossing an open field means leaving the cover of trees, shrubs, and shadows behind. Jennifer cupped her daughter’s chin and nudged it to get the child’s undivided attention. She held up her index finger and placed it on her lips.

Baby Sarah nodded that the message was received. Remain quiet, remain still.

There were many stories of this area. But the lack of people made her wonder if any of the stories were true. Then she wondered if their numbers were down from eating each other. It seemed plausible to her, but it wasn’t enough to take any unnecessary risks.

“Why don’t we walk around the edge?” Baby Sarah whispered.

Jennifer nodded. Out of the mouths of babes, she thought. It would take a lot longer, but the safety of cover was too important. After all, they were about to enter cannibal country.

And a revision…

From this point on, any exposure could be deadly. Crossing this open field meant leaving the cover of trees, shrubs, and shadows behind. Jennifer cupped her daughter’s chin, gained the child’s undivided attention, and held an index finger against her lips.

Baby Sarah nodded. She understood the message. Remain quiet, remain still.

Many stories about this area circulated around the trading camps. But the lack of people and activity in these woods made Jennifer wonder if those tales possessed any truth. Perhaps their population decreased from eating each other? That idea seemed plausible, but not definite enough for her to take an unnecessary risk.

“Why don’t we go around the edge?” Baby Sarah whispered.

Jennifer agreed. Out of the mouths of babes, she thought. Crawling around the perimeter would take a lot more time, but the importance of cover forced her decision. After all, they stood on the border leading into cannibal country.

 

Was this helpful to you? Now go edit that stack of paper from NaNoWriMo 2015 🙂